Conflict

Leading life through cooperation is peace

By Aqila Mohammadi*

I want to share my memory on the context of peace through the things that I have learned over the course of the traditional life style from the country where I was born.

As rural girl, I was always wishing to return to my village to participate in events where there should not be any division between men and women. As I remember, people on every occasion were gathering and celebrating both in happiness times and in times of grief, always together. There wasn’t any argument about insecurity and threats. People tirelessly were working on their farmland, then collecting its products. People were just happy though they didn’t have colorful cars or big houses.

Artist: Sara Rahmani @sara_official_artgallery ( Instagram)

At that time, I didn’t remember that people discussing about tribes, ethnicity, religion and gender advantages and disadvantages.   Hence, I could wear my preferred clothes. I was walking everywhere without fear. I had my own entertainments along with my friends. Especially in spring, while the grass was raised, both the lands and deserts generously were hosting sheep, lambs, and goats. A waterfall from a small river produced natural sounds and led me to  be more comfortable .

When I was of school age, my family moved to Kabul. My father began doing business, running a hotel. I, with my older brother, attended a public school.  However, my family wasn’t rich enough, but still sent us to English courses, so that I could improve my language skills. When I attend to school, my parents asked me not to share my ethnicity and religion with my classmates because of security threats against us. I never minded why my parents prohibited me to share these things. But gradually, I understood that there had been members of extremist groups who targeted us because of our religion and ethnicity. Then I witnessed bomb explosions and attacks on education centers, bazaars, clubs, almost everywhere.

As the security situations worsened, the business of my father was bankrupted. Before the collapse of our government, he was able to make about $300 per an month.  But after the presence of the Taliban, he can’t go to work.  So, we lost our financing sources and struggled with the severe security problem.

Overall, the past 4 years of my life and the life of my family were the most hard and difficult time. I can’t fully explain what we are experiencing but we feel that our life is going to come to an end, and it will be the end for us as desperate nation.

From the moment that I avoided to cooperate regarding of sharing my characteristics for building trust and making friendship with my classmates, I figured out the role of cooperation in having peace in our life. As interactions between people decreased, achieving peace become harder and harder.

In the absence of peace, life is on the brink of dying.

*Aqila Mohammadi is 17 years old and a student of grade 11 from Kabul, Afghanistan

Theories of Change: a valuable new contribution to Dispute Resolution field made freely available

John Lande, University of Missouri School of Law, Isidor Loeb Professor Emeritus has painstakingly solicited, collected and organized the book in to an interesteing, far-reaching, and thought provoking book that asks each of us in the field to consider what we might be doing better. He has collected a series of essays from over fifty professionals in the field, taking on this assessment of what the future of our field may hold.

Feel free to share this book with others who you think might be interested. John has graciously invited all of us to do this, and has made it a free download. Here is the link to this valuable resource to add to your collection, Theories of Change for the Dispute Resolution Movement: Actionable Ideas to Revitalize Our Movement.

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Students are the future of our field, and this may attract them to our community. So  the book should be shared widely with them as well.

The book is the result of the Theory of Change Symposium, organized by John in 2019. Here’s a post with an index of all the contributions to this symposium.

Included are several pieces describing important techniques to improve dispute resolution practice.  Rosa Abdelnour describes the importance of dealing with emotions in mediation, which may seem obvious, but it bears repeating as many mediators act as if emotions are irrelevant.  Noah Hanft argues that when businesses negotiate contracts, they should put the subject of developing good relationships on the agenda as an intrinsic part of the negotiation from the outset.  In one piece, Michaela Keet, Heather Heavin, and John Lande recommend that practitioners explicitly help parties consider valuable but hard-to-quantify intangible costs of engaging in the litigation process.  In another piece, they recommend a “planned early two-stage mediation” (PETSM) process to improve the quality of parties’ decision-making.  Laurel Tuvim Amaya describes the benefits of participating in reflective practice groups that challenge practitioners to seriously analyze difficult problems in their cases.

Some pieces take on “big picture” issues in our field.  Charlie Irvine urges us to take seriously substantive justice – not just procedural justice or other goals of dispute resolution.  Grande Lum describes why negotiation is especially important to deal with the major social divisions.  Rachel Viscomi suggests that we can use online resources to help bridge deep differences in our society.  Woody Mosten describes several ways that mediation trainings can improve the quality of mediation and include more peacemaking in our work.  Chris Draper envisions possible future uses of technology to promote collaborative justice in dispute resolution.  Lara Fowler suggests ways that the dispute resolution community can help address the existential threat to our planet of climate change.

Two pieces are reminders to take advantage of the Stone Soup Project, geared to faculty resources. The Stone Soup website has everything faculty need to give students great learning experiences through encounters with the real world.  Another piece describes how, with a little bit of extra effort, speakers at educational programs can generate new knowledge by systematically tapping the experiences and perspectives of audience members.

This book has lots of ideas, but no specific plans or suggestions to take any actions. This is left up to the reader to consider and inplement. John does suggest that members of the ADR community would most likely need to undertake some collaborative actions in order to implement the collective suggested changes.

John kindly synthesized the many suggestions in the book into the following broad recommendations:

        • Develop clearer common language of dispute resolution
        • Redefine what we do and who we are
        • Integrate technology into all our work
        • Develop best practice standards
        • Redesign teaching and training curricula
        • Develop and implement a research agenda
        • Develop a searchable dispute resolution bibliographic database
        • Engage the major issues of our times with realistic plans and expectations
        • Attract “all hands on deck”
        • Unbundle and prioritize our lives

As you will see, there’s quite a range of people speaking with very different voices. They are Rosa Abdelnour, Ava Abramowitz, Jim Alfini, Cynthia Alkon, Laurie Amaya, Lisa Amsler, Peter Benner, Debra Berman, Russ Bleemer, Michael Buenger, Alyson Carrel, Sarah Cole, Ben Cook, Chris Draper, Noam Ebner, Deb Eisenberg, Brian Farkas, Lara Fowler, Doug Frenkel, Steve Goldberg, Rebekah Gordon, Michael Green, Jill Gross, Chris Guthrie, Noah Hanft, Heather Heavin, David Henry, Howard Herman, Chris Honeyman, Charlie Irvine, Barney Jordaan, Jane Juliano, Michaela Keet, Randy Kiser, Russell Korobkin, Heather Kulp, John Lande, Michael Lang, Lela Love, Grande Lum, Andrew Mamo, Scott Maravilla, Woody Mosten, Jackie Nolan-Haley, Lydia Nussbaum, Rebecca Price, Nancy Rogers, Colin Rule, Amy Schmitz, Linda Seely, Donna Shestowsky, Jean Sternlight, Donna Stienstra, Tom Valenti, Rachel Viscomi, Nancy Welsh, Roselle Wissler, Doug Yarn.

Finally, if you don’t already subscribe to the Indisputably blog, I encourage you to do so. It is intended to link Dispute Resolution Scholarship, Education, and Practice.  There, you will find a range of interesting posts about various aspects of dispute resolution.

Guest Post from Janene Tuniz: In Mediation Competitions: To Compete as a Mediator, Don’t Compete

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Competing as a mediator in a moot competition is a conundrum. What’s unique about selecting this particular puzzle is that you never meet your fellow competitors. You enter each session with fresh faces to your left and right and a row of important people in front of you, ready to judge your performance. Instead, unlike when you enter as a negotiator, it’s just you. There is no way to gauge how you are doing in comparison to the other mediators in the rooms next door and there is no way to know for sure if you are acting in the right way or saying the right things. You also only have some pieces of the picture, making it difficult to really know what’s going on from the onset. You may be tempted to speak loudly or ensure that your presence is felt but I assure you, that’s not the way.

Although I have never been in a real commercial mediation, I imagine there are ways in which a competition and real life are fundamentally different. For instance, in real life there is real money, real problems and ordinarily a real urgency to reach a settlement. In such instances people don’t necessarily behave in the way that we would like or need them to in order to find a party-driven solution. They may use positional bargaining or withhold information and they may not be sincerely seeking to re-establish trust and open communication. In the CDRC Mediation and Negotiation Competition it’s totally different. There may be some semblance of mistrust but since competitors are judged on their trust building and communication skills they are prepped to use information strategically and with all their might, share and identify real interests.

 

There are, however, many ways in which a competition and real life are exactly the same. At CDRC this year I learnt that it is in these areas the role of the mediator is paramount. To put it simply, like in real life, participants of a mediation competition are nervous and unsure. After training for months, it all culminates in that moment, face to face with the other party, ready to negotiate. The tension in the room before the timer starts is palpable and as a mediator, that’s your moment. What’s perplexing about that moment, however, is the fact that while you are in it, you are not competing.

 

I know it sounds contradictory to enter a competition to be an anti-competitive at the pinnacle moment, but since there are no other “opponents” in the room you are not contending against anyone else. Your job in that moment is not to outshine the negotiators by saying the most impressive things or flamboyantly flaunting the rules and regulations, check-listing through caucus guidelines or confidentiality requirements. It’s important to cover these things, of course, but as the mediator you need to do it in such a way that you address the tension in the room. You alleviate worries and make sure that those who are in direct competition, trust the process and trust you. The moment you open your mouth to speak, you need to settle nerves and establish certainty.

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Trusting the mediation process is something that happens automatically in a competition but getting parties to trust you is something different. Sitting at the head of the table it’s a challenge to take a step back and guide the process instead of leading it, but it is the best way to create an environment of trust. I found the training sessions prior to the competition to be incredibly useful in highlighting this fact. I remember writing down that I should listen for (and respond to) emotions in Tom Valenti’s session entitled “Mediator Tools and Behaviors.” Being able to gauge what people in the room are feeling and validating those feelings is a fundamental step towards developing that trust. I’m not saying that every emotion should be brought under the spot light and observed by everyone at the table, but as the mediator it is imperative that you are able to note changes in body language or tone and react appropriately.

 

It’s impossible to note how people are feeling without being present. Active listening and sincere, honest feedback are imperative in this regard. Summarizing and telling the facts back to the parties in a neutral way is also a great way to show progress and create consensus but proceed with caution – it’s also risky business. Personally, I’m guilty of putting a positive spin on just about everything anyone at the mediation table says. While reframing is a good tool, using it too frequently can quickly backfire if it’s the wrong moment or if the parties are angry and frustrated.

 

Competing as a mediator is riddle worth riddling. It involves a multitude of different skill sets and an ability to know when you are needed and when you are not. It’s also something that to a large extent is based on self-confidence. I learnt so much at the CDRC competition but the message that resonated most was the importance of being true to yourself. There are so many styles and ways of mediating that it’s easy to fit a mould but once you do, it’s difficult to have the flexibility and reactiveness that’s required of you when mediating. Make a concerted effort to be the best version of yourself when you are sitting in the mediator’s seat. If you don’t feel like the best version of you that day, there are a range of things you can do to get to that point – you can give Sabine Walsh and Aled Davies a call for power stance tips and loud clapping tactics.

 

One thing I can say for sure, or rather, one piece of advice I could give to future competitors in the mediator category is that you shouldn’t compete. Obviously don’t treat the mediation like a ping pong match, acting only as an observer (remember to listen for and respond to emotions) but don’t treat it like a competition and don’t treat the people in the room as your competitors. How do you do that in practice? It’s puzzling, I know.

 

*Janene Tuniz is an LL.M Sustainable Development candidate and mediator in the making. She won first prize in Mediation at the CDRC Mediation and Negotiation Competition in 2019 and is the Co-founder and Communications Director of Diciassette which is part of the UN Sustainable Development Solutions Network. She is also the Content Manager and Executive Editor for online publication, The Sustainable Development Watch and is currently completing an internship at the United Nations in Nairobi.

Reflections from Vienna via Florence on IBA-VIAC CDRC Competition 2018: “The Value of Active Listening in the Heat of the Moment. (When bringing a “taser” to a mediation can be a good idea.)

“How can I interject this question without interrupting?”

“This answer doesn’t satisfy me. How can I ask again without stalling the conversation?”

“I need to discuss privately with my client, but it is not appropriate to stop this joint session now.”

“Perhaps I would need something to… tase my client, so that he could remember to consider my opinion as well!”

female taser

During mediation a lot of questions come to your mind, but it is usually not easy to get an answer quickly and keep track of the conversation. When you attend negotiation courses or you study the theory of mediation at home, it is fairly common to overlook the practical implications of such questions, but trust us, they are very relevant.

However, let’s start with some brief introductions first: we, the two writers of this hopefully interesting article, are Elisa Menichini and Emanuele De Napoli, two law students from the University of Florence, Italy. Together with two other students (Francesco Lichen Wang and Marzia Montinari), we were part of the only italian negotiator team at the 4th IBA-VIAC CDRC Mediation and Negotiation Competition in Vienna this July. We were coached by the experienced Professor Paola Lucarelli.
Florence Team
The CDRC Competition was a very formative experience, a melting pot of creative law students from all over the world ready to compete and learn under the guidance of legal experts and professionals willing to share their expertise and ideas. Mediation is a rather recent Dispute Resolution method in Italy (2010) and we, as future legal practitioners, felt that this competition was the right opportunity to grow both personally and professionally.

During the many rounds, carefully and masterfully directed by Claudia Winkler and the CDRC Staff, 33 teams of negotiators and mediators proved their skills in mock disputes based on the 2018 Willem C. Vis International Commercial Arbitration Moot Problem.

There would be so much to describe and write about the competition itself, the wonderful staff and the friendships that were born this year in Vienna, but we will concentrate on a specific event that we truly believe captures one of the key aspects of mediation and conflict in general. Something that we all need to remember.

During one of the rounds we were facing the Istanbul ŞEHİR University, while the mediator was coming from Maharastra National Law University in Mumbay. The negotiation process was lively and dynamic since the beginning. Our team was divided as such: Elisa = Legal Counsel; Emanuele = Client. Bargaining techniques were followed by quick responses, numbers were soon flying across the table and the two opposing clients were dragged into the heat of the negotiation. The trusty legal counsel (Elisa) tried more than once to calm and reassure her competitive client (Emanuele), but he was too focused on his business goal to be “stopped” by his lawyer.

The agitated legal counsel even tried touching her client, but he would just uncounsciously move away. Even trying to hit his legs wouldn’t work, since he was conveniently keeping them under the other side of the table. The now fuming lawyer wrote down on her papers in capital letters “NO”, as a concise but effective way to express her disapproval of a certain proposal. Not even this last resort seemed to restabilish the connection between the two. The businessmen were at work and they didn’t want to be bothered!
Im-not-Listening
Eventually a break was called and we were able to breath, relax and get back into our two combative characters after having shared briefly our ideas and views. The rest of the session went smoothly.

Once the round was finished and the feedbacks by the expert assessors had already been given, we had the opportunity to receive further insights from the judges. When we told this “comic” situation to Thomas P. Valenti, one of the experts who offered us precious suggestions and tips, he recommended (as an obvious but very clever joke) an innovative technique to force active listening and to calm down for a while an overachieving client: using a taser. When caresses, stares and kicks in the legs fail, go harder and use a taser.

Even if it was only meant as a joke, it truly made us think of the value of mediation, active listening and teamwork. During this competition as well as during similar events that we took part in, we noticed how conflict can be like a tornado, drawing the parties into the fight and making them lose sight of their true interests, even if they’re well-prepared. The legal counsels might feel that they need to manage their clients and sometimes thwart their emotions. But the role of the legal expert is changing and a lawyer should be able to understand and compensate for his clients’s whim as well.

That’s exactly why you need mediation, why you need a third party that can redirect you to the right path. The legal counsel should be the “trusty companion” that can grant a proper reality check when necessary and the needed aid when in doubt.

In conclusion, mediation can be considered a “metaphorical taser”: a ground-breaking method among the dispute resolution procedures. It shakes the way we perceive conflict in nowaday society, it changes the rules. The CDRC Vienna Competition was the perfect context to see how effective mediation can be.

We, as young students and future professional, are active witnesses of an epochal change in the way people face conflict: an opportunity instead of a danger to be avoided at all costs.

And if sometimes we’ll need to be “tased” to achieve this results, so be it.

By Emanuele De Napoli and Elisa Menichini,
University of Florence (School of Law),
Italy.

“Till The Last Page” – a story of young Shazia’s migration to Beirut from Syria ~ guest post by Prachi Jain

Till The Last Page

The caterwaul and commotion around disturbs her sleep, she opens her dreary eyes, and lies wistfully in her makeshift bed.

Shazia fled Syria in 2012, and arrived at Shatila camp in search of refuge. Two years back, her life was totally different from what it was now. She lived with her family right outside small peaceful village Hama. Her family comprised of her parents and two younger brothers. Though they were poor, life was happy and full of hope for them. She attended government school in the neighborhood, her father had a small shop selling general household item. One of the brightest kid in school, Shazia never though she would have to live life of orphaned refugee one day.

Hama

– Village of Hama, Syria

Syria was under attack for almost a year by then, when one day her village came under attack of regime. She fled along with her family towards Southern Beirut to save their lives. She lost her mother before reaching camp, and soon after her father passed away due to fever and unavailability of proper medical care. Shazia still wonders was it really fever that took her father’s life, or was it pain of being uprooted from his homeland and loss of his life partner. By the time she reached refugee camp, all that was left in this world for her was her two little brothers, Alif and Rizwan aged ten and six. Responsibility of these two kids directly came up on their thirteen-year-old elder sister.

map-syria-300She steps out of her bed, folds it and places it in corner so that room can have more space during daytime. She shares one room with another family of 7 members. They were Palestinian refugee, living in this camp from past ten years. When she arrived at camp, all rooms were already brimming with people from Syria. Every month thousands of refugees were reaching camp in search of safe shelter from war affected country. In this dreadful time, that family had been kind enough to share their apartment with three orphaned children.

Life was tough in crowded dingy camp. Open electric wires spread like spider webs across the streets, running from building to building throughout alleyways. Power cuts and electrocution was common in this area. It was last week only, when a young boy got tangled in those wires while running here and there playfully. He tripped and lost his life. And this was the story of camp! Problems were many, earning was scanty, and the thing that was of least worth was LIFE.

“If you don’t try to write a memorable story, it will never be one! Be hero in your story, and make sure that it is the one that world remembers, one that inspires others.”

After living at camp for past two years, Shazia was no more a little girl. Responsibilities had turned her mature beyond her age. She along with her brothers used to pick bricks for construction, and carry them to site. They earned near about 4 dollars each and that was bare minimum for daily needs, let alone schooling, health care and other amenities.

Today was her birthday! In camp, every day was same, and thus apart from her nobody remembered it! While she was at work, carrying bricks on her head, memories of her last birthday with her parents came gushing to her.

She was hoping around in verandah wearing her pistachio green colored embroidered frock. Her mom was occupied in kitchen preparing her favorite dishes for the special day. Her father had gifted her doctor kit, a symbolic gift for his little princess who wished to become a Doctor on growing up. “Abba! I’ll study at a big university and then we will move to city, and then when I start working, you can stop working. You and ammi can spend all the time roaming here and there in city having fun, and I’ll earn a lot for five of us!” chimed Shazia.

“Will you move little faster?”, shouted contractor on site. Shazia came back to bitter reality. After finishing work, she took some time off, and sat alone at park’s bench.

Maybe because it was her birthday, or may be just a coincidence, but she was missing her past more profoundly today. Random memory came floating to her mind. She remembered a happy sunny day; her family had gone to nearby park with picnic basket for a day out. Her brothers were taking their turn on slide, and her mother was standing beside them making sure they didn’t get hurt. Shazia was sitting with her father on lush green grass. Her father said, “Shazia! You know our life is a story that is being written till our last living day. Once, we die, story ends. Some stories create an impact, some are dull and without any remarkable incident. But every life has a story”. Unable to understand the depth of her father’s thought, Shazia asked, “Papa! Who is author of our story? Is God writing it?” Her father laughs at this innocent question, cuddles his daughter in his arms and says “No my love! God just initiates this story by giving us life. But we ourselves are author of our story! Always remember! If you don’t try to write a memorable story, it will never be one! Be hero in your story, and make sure that it is the one that world remembers, one that inspires others.”

sabra-shatilla

-Shatilla Camp

The flashback ends and Shazia leans back on bench. What has she become? Is she even the same Shazia who was full of hope and aspirations once! If Ammi and Abbu would see her today, would they even recognize her as their Shazia? Sadness of years that had passed away, frustration of situations in present and depression of having uneventful future takes toll on her. She bursts in to tears. Why doesn’t it feel like her story! Sobbing alone on a park bench she shouts into oblivion, “This is not my story! It wasn’t supposed to proceed this way! I would have never narrated it this way”.

Who was telling the story? And whose story was it anyway?

The words fluttered and flew in the wind.

After the outburst, she sat bundled over there for some time and kept crying because of all the resentment that had piled up inside her.

How else will the sun rise if it won’t set? Darkness is inevitable, but so is sun rise. The break down that Shazia had on her fifteenth birthday, turned into a resolution. She decided to change track of her story. Her life is a blessing given to her by her parents. She cannot let it pass so indecisively. She makes up her mind to resume her education, and quit her daily wage job. Also she needs to find better source of income for three of them.

UNRWA operated a primary health care centre, one day school and one night school at camp. She enrolled herself and her brothers at night school. While her brothers continued their daily wage job, she requested Doctor Ahmad Shiabi at health care centre to take her up as an assistant. Doctor Shiabi had previously diagnosed Shazia when she was sick, and knew that she was mature and intelligent girl. He agreed to hire her at a monthly salary of 52 $. Soon she started learning nitty-gritty’s of health care and hygiene. In a camp hoisting such large number of people, patients were numerous and thus work was also never ending. But this was her childhood’s dream, and thus she enjoyed her job. Work for welfare gave satisfaction to her disrupted soul and mind.

When one finds inner peace, things start to align in a better way. Shazia now started saving some part of collective income that she and her brothers managed to earn. In a year, they saved enough to start a stall for selling yoghurt and tomatoes. Alif and Rizwan manned this stall, so that they can study better and continue earning a living without doing laborious work.

One day Doctor Shiabi at camp asked Shazia if she could take a session about basic first aid for women at camp, as he had some emergency and couldn’t take session today, and as the event had been priory announced, it couldn’t be postponed as well. Shazia was unsure, but she agreed to it.

Session went well, and everyone appreciated her. This gave her confidence regarding her knowledge sharing skills. She told Doctor Shiabi how she enjoyed this session, and is ready to take such sessions in future. Being always occupied in too many chores, this was a delight to him also in past one year Shazia had created a positive impression on him with her hard work and dedication. He wanted her to have a bright future, and thus he readily agreed.

One day after Shazia had winded up taking a session, a young woman in mid twenties came to her, and she introduced herself “Hi Shazia! Great session it was! I am Cathie; I am a volunteer for UNRWA.”

Shazia said, “Hi Cathie! It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Shazia I am here in collaboration with a NGO, which is trying to identify twenty bright young women, for whom they will fund higher education. I am really impressed by your awareness and knowledge for health care. Can you share your educational background with me?”

Elated to know about this initiative, Shazia said, “I am attending night school at camp. But I would love to get this opportunity. I have great deal of interest in medicine and science, and wish to study them. It has been my dream since I was a little girl!” She was so excited, but was trying to be calm and failing at it miserably just by shear possibility of having an opportunity to fulfill her and her father’s dream.

Within a month and half formalities for educational program were completed, and her formal education began. She was also getting a generous student stipend. By adding up their savings, she was able to afford better education for her brothers.

It’s been two years now, Shazia is studying at medical school. Alif will be completing his schooling by next year; he plans to take up a scholarship funded course at an American University in Social Welfare. Rizwan is still in school, he has interest in sports more than studies. He recently got selected for School’s football team.

 

Tentschools

Shazia remembers her father’s words “If you don’t try to write a memorable story, it will never be one! Be hero in your story, and make sure that it is the one that world remembers, one that inspires others.”

Once again, Shazia is sitting alone at a park bench. But this time she is not the depressed girl she once was due to circumstances. Hope has taken place of sadness, and action has taken place of complains. She has learnt that it is just not us who write our story. Situation and other people do play part in creating its plot. But the climax is always in our hand. One can surrender to destiny, and like a dead fish go with the flow, have no control over story of their life and thus end up with a tale not worth remembering. Or one can fight back, and take charge, write it the way they want it to be, and turn their tale into a saga.

Her saga is not complete yet, and it won’t be till the last day, but she will keep improvising it till her last day and till the last page. She won’t let her story be the one that is easily forgettable. She will make this story remarkable page after page.

~ Prachi

 

Prachi Jain is a young Indian writer. She has one simple philosophy for life, “At the end, we all will just have bagful of stories to sum up the life we lead, make sure to collect the most memorable ones.”