Using Political Dialogue to Create and Inspire Change



Criticizing people for expressing sympathy by using the term “thoughts and prayers” has become a trend. Using the term as a first response is quite acceptable.  Many of us use it on a regular basis.


This popular criticism does not produce any result other than making the speaker feel engaged in the “discussion” but does nothing to create a discussion.


The criticism that can and should be placed is what happens with those “thoughts” in the days after the expression of “thoughts and prayers.”


The same criticism can and should be placed against those who find reason to criticize those who use “thoughts and prayers.”


This criticism is not much better than using the term in the first place.


Expressing “thoughts and prayers” and criticizing saying it are equally unproductive, if we do nothing to engage in critical thinking and have a discussion about our “thoughts” and the “thoughts” of others with whom we may disagree about the issue at hand.


Just because two parties disagree doesn’t mean anyone has to be wrong. Two opposing views can exist at the same time.

The more we act like our misguided leaders, the more our system of government stays the same.

The sooner we behave in a way that also listens to others in a respectful way, the sooner we will have the chance of creating the kind of government we respect and, consequently, one in which we wish to participate

Remarks on Women’s Empowerment delivered at FEMMES – A WOMEN TALK SHOW — India’s first ever live talk show to Promote Women Empowerment in India

Below are the remarks delivered by me on January 24th in Delhi at this one of a kind event.

I would like to extend my thanks to SNC Management, Advisors & Consultants and the many individuals who have tirelessly worked to organize this event celebrating National Girl Child Day. It is particularly exciting to see today’s Agenda, with its interesting speakers, discussions and events and to be given this opportunity to share the stage with so many brilliant people and to share my thoughts and ideas with all of you.

I am sure you are wondering, now, as I did, when the invitation was extended to me to address you – what can an aging white man from Chicago, USA possibly say that is relevant to the issue that is the focus of our day together – To Promote Women’s Empowerment.  I asked myself – Who Am I to speak to this issue, what experiences have I had that can possibly be relevant to the issue, to you? And Who am I to bring my voice to this struggle?

Let me tell you, at the outset, that in considering this question – I have thought that I must consider for myself and you what does “feminism” mean today?
In answering that question, Over the past years, I have drawn inspiration and knowledge from “We Should All Be Feminists, a personal essay – by award winning author  Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie – adapted from her much-viewed Tedx talk of the same name. Adichie offers readers a unique definition of feminism for the twenty-first century – one rooted in inclusion and awareness. She shines a light not only on blatant discrimination, but also the more insidious, institutional behaviours that marginalise women around the world.

So, as we talk today, please understand that I subscribe to Chimimanda’s definition of a feminist, which is:

A feminist  is a man or a woman who says, “Yes, there’s a problem with gender as it is today and we must fix it, we must do better.”

As a conflict management and dispute resolution practitioner, I can tell you  about my several years of experience of coming to India, working with College and University students, many of them women. As I reflect back on these experiences, I can tell you that the young women that I have had the privilege to meet, teach and train have an innate, intuitive capacity to lead individuals, corporations and groups in conflict — out of their conflicts.

These young women have a keen understanding of intellectual, business,  interpersonal and geopolitical disputes that plague India and plague the world. Like a neurosurgeon’s knife – these women can carefully and precisely dissect complicated issues. Like a psychologist’s manner – these women are able to give disputants the space and comfort to share feelings. Like a chef trained in the finest restaurant or a cook trained in Mother’s and Auntie’s kitchen, these women can peel back the layers of an onion and get disputants to find the heart of their disputes. Like Jacques Costeau, the famous underwater explorer, these women can find the real needs and interests of the disputants that lie way beneath the surface level of the icebergs of conflict that they know so well.

These well trained and motivated young women will lead your justice system and India, itself, to a new and innovative way of resolving disputes where conflict resolution in all its forms –informal problem solving, group facilitation, negotiation, dialogue, and similar techniques, have shown, many times over, that there is a better outcome than winning and losing, a more successful process than accusing and blaming, and a deeper relationship than exercising power over and against others. These better outcomes can be achieved but will only be achieved if there is a collective decision to allow them to be achieved, to allow the highly qualified and motivated women of India to bring this movement forward.

How do I know that this can be accomplished? I know this because I have seen the will, strength and empowerment of some of your own. Before I share with you three stories of woman’s empowerment from amongst India’s own, I ask that you hear them with this prefatory story in your mind. This is a story, you may have already heard:

Two seeds lay side by side in the fertile soil.
The first seed said, “I want to grow! I want to send my roots deep into the soil beneath me, and thrust my sprouts through the earth’s crust above me. I want to unfurl my tender buds like banners to announce the arrival of spring. I want to feel the warmth of the sun on my face and the blessing of the morning dew on my petals!”
And so she grew…

The second seed said, “I am afraid. If I send my roots into the ground below, I don’t know what I will encounter in the dark. If I push my way through the hard soil above me, I may damage my delicate sprouts… What if I let my buds open and a snail tries to eat them? And if I were to open my blossoms, a small child may pull me from the ground. No, it is much better for me to wait until it is safe.”

And so she waited…

A yard hen scratching around in the early spring ground for food found the waiting seed and promptly ate it.
The Moral of the Story – Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life.

Risk and progress are very much interlinked. When you make up your mind to undergo the hardships and pain, the results will be 100 times sweeter than the pain. It is easy to face the hardships when you are open to face them. So, today, let’s see how open we may be to risks and hardships, all in the name of progress.

Let me , first, share with you the story of Karthika Annamalai, who I met during her first year of College.Karthika-Annamalai--204x300 Her father was killed in a feud for money, when he sought money from his sister to perform a tubectomy on Karthika’s mother. This happened on the day Karthika’s younger brother, who is around four years younger than her, was born.
Her mother breaks granite stones at a quarry in Bangalore. She became a widow at the age of twenty-five and was subsequently evicted from Karthika’s father’s house.
Karthika spent much of her time as an infant in the house of her aunt and uncle. Like her aunt and uncle, Karthika’s mother, too, found work in a quarry. Their house had four granite slabs covered with mud for walls and stacks of neatly tied woven coconut leaves for a roof. After settling down there, Karthika would walk about the mud roads with her skirt lifted shamelessly over her head to avoid the merciless sun and the rising dust and smoke from the quarry. Otherwise, she would follow her mother down the steep quarry where she would sit a few meters away, watching her mother’s frail body shatter stones with a heavy hammer. Karthika recalls that it was during a time like this, though many years later, that a piece of stone hit her on her forehead. Karthika recalls: “I picked it up. It was crudely shaped like a heart and had tiny specks of gold on it. It is one among the three things I keep on my bed for good luck. It is a tangible reminder of where I came from.”

Karthika’s chance came when she was four years old. On the advice of nuns from a local nunnery, her mother, took Karthika to Shanti Bhavan, a boarding school started by Abraham George, a former army captain, author, and philanthropist.
“Shanti Bhavan is the best thing that happened to me,” says Karthika. “Otherwise I would be married like my (elder) sister or breaking stones like my mother.” Her mother can earn Rs 40 on a good day, working 6 am to 5 pm at the quarry. For two years, 1st standard to 3rd, Karthika was the only child at Shanti Bhavan who never went home. Her mother could not afford it. Later, they met twice every year.
“My mom and I, we don’t talk much,” says Karthika, who also has two brothers, the elder dropped out of school to help his mother at the quarry; the younger studies at a local school. “But I know she loves me.”

“Bringing my family out of poverty is a priority for me. When I used to go home from school during the vacations, I used to be homesick for school. I did not have comfortable and some basic facilities at home that I had at school. I realise that my family cannot afford it. Conditions in my village are bad, with murder and rape being commonplace. I want to bring my family out of all that suffering.

Karthika decided years ago that she wanted to be a human rights lawyer, fighting against the many social injustices that exist in India, more than a handful of which she has witnessed herself in her family and in her community. She says: “The values instilled in me at Shanti Bhavan – those of humility, honesty, and generosity – have all impressed upon me the necessity to always work to help those who are less fortunate than me in any way possible. This is where my desire to work as a human rights lawyer stems from. I also hope that working in the field of law in India will provide me the skills I need to one day alleviate poverty and injustice on a broader scale, hopefully in a political position in India.”

Karthika’s opportunity to advance this vision took a giant step forward by being introduced to IDIA, “Increasing Diversity by Increasing Access,” an NGO founded by Prof. Dr. Shamnad Basheer,  Visiting Professor of Law, National Law School of India University and its Managing Trustee. IDIA seeks to find ways to reach out to under-represented communities, with the objective of making them aware of the benefits of law as a viable, lucrative career option and help those interested to gain admission into these law schools. It is hoped that such access to legal education would go some way towards empowering the students and the communities that they belong to.
Following a meeting with IDIA volunteers who visited her high school, Karthika was on her way to a career in law. The assistance Karthika has received from IDIA extends from financial assistance to support with traversing the considerable social challenges that she has faced.

“IDIA has some brilliant student volunteers at NUJS and they made sure that I didn’t face any financial hurdles or discrimination,” she says.
Through all of her efforts and support, Karthika graduated from the West Bengal National University of Juridical Studies (NUJS), Kolkata, in 2017.
She now works as an Associate Attorney at AZB & Partners in New Delhi. The odds of someone like her – the daughter of a stone quarry worker – reaching this point are almost zero. She beat the odds thanks to the help she received.

“My mother was screaming with excitement when I told her I got a job offer,” says Karthika — “Suddenly it dawned on her that my education has paid off.”

She beat the odds thanks to her efforts, help from Shanti Bhavan, help from IDIA, and the support of those who have shared her friendship over the years. But none of this could have been possible without her determination, hope and spirit.

Now meet Vennela ( “Vensy” ) Krishna. As a girl raised in an Indian middle-class family, this meant that Vensy was brought up believing that there are things she could not aspire to. She was brought up being told that some dreams are just not for her – that you cannot dare to dream beyond your circumstances.Vensy
Vensy, however, never believed this. She knew that she had to push herself to her limits and find out for herself what she was capable of, and that she could not let herself believe that her destiny would be different.
One of her early rebellions was to choose to study law after school. Young people where she came from go on to study engineering or other more affordable fields. Law school was for those from affluent backgrounds, who spoke English at home, could afford to go to posh international schools, pay hefty fees for coaching for the law entrance exam. But she persisted, and managed to crack the national exam against 30,000 students and made it to India’s premier law school.

It was at this point that I met Vensy, a few years ago at NALSAR Law University in Hyderabad. Vensy started teaching at the age of 18, when she was in the first year of college, working 16 hours on weekends, traveling a hundred kilometers on crowded buses. After a year, she took the plunge and started her own company to educate students for law school. Vensy decided to do her bit to help students like her who were passionate about studying law, to help them lead better lives. She wanted law to change their lives, the way it changed hers.

Vensy worked as a teacher at Career Launcher, before starting her own company — Law School 101 — in 2014. At the age of 21, when most young people are trying to figure out what to do with their lives, Vensy had become a blossoming entrepreneur.
Law School 101 is Vennela’s brain child and she began working on it in 2014. It is a platform which brings college students to mentor high school students and bridge the gap in between.

In Vensy’s words — “Law School 101 brings college students together to train school students to crack the national law exams. We study on the weekdays as students, but become teachers on the weekends.  I’ve been teaching law aspirants from the first year of law school, started up in my second.”
She added, “Starting a business as a nineteen year old was not easy but I had full conviction in the strength of my ambition. Entrepreneurship and leadership aren’t for everyone.  It requires me to travel about 150 km in buses every week just to come to the city and take the classes. Being completely student run meant that I had to sit with parents for hours just to convince their kids to attend demo classes. It took a full two years before people started recognizing our efforts and now, it is finally paying off!”
Law School 101 not only helps law aspirants crack the entrance test and trains them in the various aspects of law , it also helps them in extra-curricular activities such as debates, quizzes, motivational speaking, etc. They have also organised Moot Court events, inter-college debate sessions and orientation sessions at schools to attract young children to the subject of law. Vensy and Law School 101 has won, amongst other awards the following:

Center for Management Studies, NALSAR
B-Plan Awards

Herbert Smith Freehills LLP, United Kingdom
Community Engagement Awards

Child & Youth Finance International, Netherlands
Youth Entrepreneur Award

Entrepreneurs’ Organisation (EO), International
Global Student Entrepreneurship Awards

Vensy shared this with me recently: “Looking back on the last five years, I remember the stress and pain and suffering it took to manage a successful company along with juggling studying and competing for the top positions at law school. But what I remember more clearly are the hundreds of students whose lives we’ve touched and changed. They remain the reason I wake up every morning to continue working for my cause, one that I am  fortunate to now have hundreds of others believe in.”

Now meet Maithili Pai.
I met Maithili when she was a trainee in mediation in New Delhi, while she was still a student at NUJS, Kolkata. I have continued to be in touch with her, even as recently as a few days ago. maithili

While a student at NUJS Maithili demonstrated a keen awareness of the needs of women and found a place for herself as an advocate of the same. Her areas of interest are human rights law and alternate dispute resolution. In her first year at law school, she worked as a teacher with IDIA which we already heard about in Karthika’s story. From 2014 she assisted as a child counsellor for the NUJS-HSF Bridge project which a partnership between between LittleBigHelp, a charity that works to create better opportunities for vulnerable children in Kolkata, Herbert Smith Freehills – and the students of NUJS.

While a student at NUJS, Maithili was selected to make a presentation entitled “Access to Justice for Domestic Violence Victims: A Need Based Assessment” at the prestigious Global Alliance for Justice Education (GAJE) 8th Worldwide Conference, held in Turkey in July, 2015. She was also a student researcher at the Centre for Child Rights etablished by UNICEF at NUJS.

And, by the way, she is fluent in English, French, Spanish, Hindi and other Indian languages as well.
Maithili is now Law Clerk-cum-Research Assistant to Dr. Justice DY Chandrachud at the Supreme Court of India.

On August 24th, 2017, Justice D.Y. Chandrachud, delivered the main judgment for a rare nine-member bench of the Supreme Court issued a historic ruling with potentially widespread consequences, decreeing that a right to privacy is part of the fundamental right to life and liberty enshrined in the country’s constitution.
Nine justices unanimously joined the decision that was an exhaustive treatise on personal liberties. The 547-page judgment overturned earlier cases and declared, “Privacy is the constitutional core of human dignity.”

What does this mean for women in India?
The right to privacy is closely linked to the exercise of several other rights, from what people say online to who they love to what they eat.
This is a game-changer.
In fact, the court waded into the issue of sexual orientation, calling it “an essential attribute of privacy.” It slammed an earlier Supreme Court ruling that upheld the criminalization of homosexuality on the grounds that the LGBT community was “a minuscule fraction of the country’s population.” The court said that was no basis on which “to deny the right to privacy.” It added: “The purpose of elevating certain rights to the stature of guaranteed fundamental rights is to insulate their exercise from the disdain of majorities.”
The judgment says:
“Life and personal liberty are inalienable rights. These are rights which are inseparable from a dignified human existence.  The dignity of the individual, equality between human beings and the quest for liberty are the foundational pillars of the Indian constitution.

“Privacy includes at its core the preservation of personal intimacies, the sanctity of family life, marriage, procreation, the home and sexual orientation.  Privacy also connotes a right to be left alone. Privacy safeguards individual autonomy and recognises the ability of the individual to control vital aspects of his or her life. Personal choices governing a way of life are intrinsic to privacy.”

The right to privacy judgment is a landmark judgment of independent India. It not only learns from the past, but also sets the wheel of liberty and freedom for future.
Privacy is believed to be central human right.
With a fundamental Right to Privacy now in place, there is a possibility of making broader arguments against sexual assault, bodily integrity, and surveillance issues.
The fundamental Right to Privacy will provide a remedy against the state. We have seen that this has already been a valuable argument against marital rape.

Now, imagine yourselves, as Maithili Pai, once a young student passionate about the rights of women and children and other human rights, sitting side by side with the Supreme Court Justice who is about to change the future of India.
Imagine your hands trembling as you place words on paper, change words on paper, suggest words to be placed on paper that will be hailed presently and in the future as life changing events in the history of India.
Imagine the feeling of satisfaction and empowerment selling up in your heart as you are living your dream, having an impact on a general society for years to come, setting precedents that are going to impact many who have lived without power to change things, lived often without hope, and lived without a voice.

Maithili’s story is quite different than the others.
Karthika’s  is a story of personal achievement that shows the impact on self, and through her work impact on others with whom she had a shared identity.
Vensy’s  is a story of personal achievement that shows the impact of creating opportunities for others similarly situated.
Maithili’s  is a story of personal achievement that shows the impact on a society, in fact a whole country.

Each is a story of personal determination and empowerment.

Do you, do WE send our roots down and flourish like Karthika, Vensy  and Maithili? Or are we that seed that is afraid and gets plucked by the yard hen?
If Economic Empowerment is  how people work to create wealth.

If Political Empowerment is all the things we do to organize ourselves and to make decisions.

If Societal Empowerment is everything people do when they live, work, and play together.

What then is our mission, if not our social and moral responsibility?

What is our role in the future of the empowerment movement?

What can WE do?

Will we do our share to —

Acknowledge women of all ages in our communities and our country

Recognize women of all ages in our communities and our country

Honor women of all ages in our communities and our country

Coach women of all ages in our communities and our country

Give voice to women of all ages in our communities and our country

Praise women of all ages in our communities and our country

Hold space for women of all ages in our communities and our country

Celebrate women of all ages in our communities and our country

Yes We will
Thank you

Turkish Experimentation on Mandatory Employment Mediation: Mediating with Pro Se Complainants

Guest Author: Gizem (Gigi) Halis Kasap, LL.M.

Gigi is a member of the Istanbul Bar Association and currently an SJD candidate at WFU Law School in North Carolina.

Gizem Gigi Halis Kasap

Imagine yourself as a Turkish mediator in an employment dispute. You have a pro se complainant who worked for a company for six years, being forced to work overtime and fired with no explanation, and an employer’s counsel in a joint caucus. In his opening statement, the employer’s counsel recites the facts and relevant case law for a considerable amount of time while the pro se complainant tries to apprehend all the fancy legal words that the counsel uses. The first separate caucus with the complainant reveals that the complainant did not understand what the counsel said and do not know what to seek in damages and decides to agree what the counselor offers because he is in immediate need of money.

Here the conundrum is. As a mediator, you are aware of the ethical rules and the fact that you have to be impartial. In the meantime, you also know that all doubts in the implementation and interpretation of the provisions of the Turkish Labor Law, including its implementing rules and regulations, shall be resolved in favor of labor, so adjudication before a judge might have resulted differently for the complainant. Considering all of these, does that mean that a Turkish mediator may not facilitate justice, or in other words, is mediation at odds with the basics of Turkish employment law?

Voluntary mediation was introduced into Turkish law with the Law on Mediation in Civil Disputes in 2012.1 Five years after, pre-litigation mandatory mediation for certain employment disputes was adopted with the Law on Labor Courts.2 As of January 1, 2018, parties must have attempted mediation before commencing the trial.3 To that extent, for the first time, disputes regards the indemnity claims and reemployment have become subject to pre-litigation mediation.4

Mandatory mediation in employment disputes has been harshly criticized by many commentators, unions and lawyers on the grounds that mandatory employment mediation is not fair because of the imbalanced power dynamics, especially where the employee cannot afford a legal counsel.5

If we look at our hypothesis again, what should a Turkish mediator able to do? Under Art.3 of the Turkish Ethics Rules of Mediators, a mediator shall conduct a mediation in an impartial manner and avoid conduct that gives the appearance of partiality.6 That being said, Art.5(8) of the Ethics Rules stipulates that “[i]f a party appears to have difficulty comprehending the process, issues or settlement options, or difficulty participating in a mediation, the mediator should explore the circumstances and potential accommodations, modifications or adjustments that would make possible the party’s capacity to comprehend, participate and exercise self-determination.”7

Reading these two articles together, we can conclude that procedural fairness and party competency as imperative as the impartiality of the mediator. Thus, a mediator is entitled to take the liberty of making “potential accommodations, modifications or adjustments”. To provide this, mediator, for example, questions whether the complainant fully understands the mediation process, paraphrases the statements and asks the employee again, or if it is necessary, he or she postpones the session, withdrawing from or terminating the mediation.8 In addition to these ethical requirements, the Ethics Rules also ensures the self-determination and informed consent of the parties.9 Thus, it is of significance to distinguish that mediation as an alternative to litigation is not against the notion of justice and fairness per se.

There could be, however, possible failures of court-annexed mediation 8 cast doubt upon the fairness, especially where pro se complainants are involved. In Wright v. Brockett, where the pro se tenant agreed to vacate the apartment as a part of the settlement agreement, the court set aside the agreement noting that the settlement agreement was not “a provident decision by the tenant, free of coercion.”10 Similarly, the Ninth Civil Circuit of the Turkish Court of Cassation set aside the settlement agreement where the mediator did not communicate with or question the employee at all and forced him to sign the settlement agreement without seeking for an informed consent.11 Although the pro se complainants in both cases were successful in challenging their settlement agreements, that might not be always the case.

Nonetheless, risks associated with mediating with pro se complainants can be outweighed by integrating certain methods into the mediation process. Some commentators have offered implementation of a “cooling-off” period which allows parties to withdraw from the settlement agreement for any reason.12

A week of ADR events in Sao Paolo, Brazil

Monday started with a radio interview highlighting the events of the upcoming Mediation Congress in Sao Paolo. Alexander Palermo Simoes and I were featured on Ana Pretel’s weekly radio show covering interesting legal topics. You can listen to the show here:

From there we paid a visit to The IV Pan American Arbitration Congress, hosted by CAM-CCBC on 23 to 24 October 2017 in Sao Paulo saw close to 500 attendees listen and participate in a broad range of panels dealing the unique problems associated with arbitration in the region. While focusing on Pan-American countries, the event draws global participation and showcases comparisons of practices with an eye toward sharing best practices in international arbitration. CAM_CCBC, under the leadership of Carlos Forbes, as organizer of the event has demonstrated a commitment to improving the quality of arbitration services,
and making Sao, Paolo Brazil, a hub for international arbitration in South America and the region. aFOTO-MARCOS-MESQUITA--45

Immediately following the Pan American Congress, on October 25th, was the first ever International Mediation Congress in Brazil — Congresso Internacional de Mediação Empresarial – GEMEP I CBAr held at AASP – Associação dos Advogados de São Paulo. The organizing committee – Alexandre P. Simões, Claudia Frankel Grosman and Patricia Freitas Fuoco created a sold out event of stellar debates, workshops and networking events that highlighted the growth of mediation in Brazil under the 2015 law.22815150_10155027876923443_5943122743707166741_n

The following days were highlighted by the “VIII Competição Brasileira de Arbitragem e Mediação Empresarial da CAMARB” – a mediation and arbitration competition in partnership with Mackenzie Presbyterian University. Participation by 57 arbitration teams, 18 mediation teams, 80 assessors, 250 arbitrators and approximately 400 listeners resulted in the biggest event of its kind in Latin America! 22886002_1944929519165165_4585326340301035114_n

Here is a link to the CAMARB Competition website: LINK

Here is a link to a newspaper story “Brazil hosts greater arbitration and mediation competition in Latin America” describing the tournament : LINK

Book Review: STRUCTURED NEGOTIATION, A Winning Alternative to Lawsuits, Lainey Feingold, 2016


Early in her legal career, Lainey Feingold was fired from a law firm. The day before she was scheduled to become a partner, the head of the firm told her she would never become a partner at the firm, stating “You lack grace and equanimity.” Feingold went from hearing those words turn her desired destiny upside down to letting them lead her to towards a career of practicing law with those and many other collaborative practices, detailed in Chapter 16. Her work has formed the basis of a methodology she and her practice colleagues coined “Structured Negotiation.”

In her book, Feingold introduces us to this alternative dispute resolution methodology, defined by one big firm lawyer as mediation without a mediator. The book is neatly organized into Seven Stages, from Stage One: Preparing a Structured Negotiation Case to Stage Seven: Post-Settlement Strategies, over 16 Chapters. It includes Templates and Sample documents, and details of several Stuctured Negotiations that Feingold and her practice colleagues ( primarily Linda Dardarian) handled over the past 20 years.

While many of the examples focus on Feingold’s advocacy for members of the blind community seeking access to ATMs, talking prescription labels, and baseball, the book has broad application to any practitioner who recognizes that certain types of claims, even very large ones, can provide opportunities for many disputants to be better served by the use of this process. While some claims need a Court system and the formal legal process, many do not. As Feingold puts it:

“But filing a complaint should not be the only option for claims resolution. The legal profession – and the public it serves- deserves alternatives that are less costly, less stressful, and more cooperative. Clients need a forum where thier stories matter and they can be ( and feel) heard.”

Whether you believe this or not, you should be aware of this alternative. Many think that those who represent big institutions are reluctant to participate in this out of court process. Yes, this is true. But Feingold has paved the way. She and her colleagues have spent years , patiently, working with many of the largest of these — Bank of America, Walgreens, Target, Safeway, TransUnion, Charles Schwab, others, and even Major League Baseball. And in her work, she provides information on all of these Structured Negotiations, so that you can use her success to contribute to yours.

If you take away nothing from this book, you will no doubt benefit from Chapter 16 which is invaluable. The legal profession is now undergoing a mindset change, where there is a real focus on “soft skills.” These are interpersonal skills, stress management, self confidence, mindfulness, optimism, the ability to convey empathy, and others.

Law students, lawyers young and old, law professors — read the book, but do not put it on the shelf until you have spent some time reading and self – reflecting on the collaborative tools that are discussed in Chapter 16.

You will be better at everything you do, if you can incorporate some of the Structured Negotiation collaborative practices into your life and your life’s work.

Buy the book on iBooks

Guest post by Afghan Student Mohammad Naser Akbar* — Our fight against Ignorance in a Third World Country

On August 24, 2016, it was much like any other day; although normal days in Afghanistan are somewhat different than those in Canada or the United States of America. That day just happened to be the first day of classes of the fall semester at the American University of Afghanistan. Everyone appeared excited Three story Bayad Buildingand delighted for a new beginning; just as how I felt. Nothing alerted or prepared me for the tragedy and death, including my own near death experience that occurred that day in which the University turned into war-zone.

The morning started like any other day; I did my morning preparations, and went to work, as I both worked and attended classes. After work, I drove to the University, and entered the campus after going through security clearance and a body-scan machine. Everything was normal, I stepped in the library, and logged in to a computer to find my classrooms.

I had three classes to attend. The first two classes were a mixture of joy and boredom, as the first class was public speaking (a topic I thoroughly enjoy and am passionate about) and the latter was calculus (a topic that causes myself and others to yawn at times). Then, I attended a class on corporate finance. Without warning, approximately 40 minutes into the class there was a huge explosion, causing windows to shatter all around the classroom. Everyone hit the floor in fear. Insurgents flooded the campus and the University became engulfed in conflict. The insurgents’ goal: to suppress higher learning and snuff out the students’ ambitions, including my own.

After we somewhat regained our composure, the students went in to survival-mode. Some students fled the class and ran toward the emergency gates. Others, including myself, were worried about being intercepted by the insurgents while fleeing, and decided to remain in the classroom. We put chairs and tables in front of the door to make it harder for anyone to enter.

While also fearing for my own life, I was gravely worried about my sister. She was also attending classes that day, and was stuck on a different floor. I tried to call her, but there was no answer. Further fear and concern flooded my every thought. By this time the lobbies were already taken by the insurgents, who were equipped with machine guns and hand grenades. It was impossible for me to run to the aid of my sister, which broke my heart.

My parents were out of the country, so I could not call them to seek their councel and comfort. I called my other sister, who was at home, to let her know what was happening and that she should not call back, as the noise would cause me, and those I hid with, danger. After twenty minutes of hiding under tables and chairs, there were two additional explosions that came from the class opposite to where we were hiding. That terrified everyone even more. Moments later, the insurgents kicked in the door to our classroom.

Staying in the class was choosing death. After a quick judgment call, I jumped out from the second-floor window. My left foot got stuck on an air conditioner that was below the window and I lost my balance, causing me to hit the ground so hard that I broke my hips and right wrist. I blacked out. When I came to my senses, everything was painful. I heard my classmate screaming. I could not see her, but she yelled in a desperate-tone, “Help! Please somebody help me”. Everyone ran for their own lives. The only noises were those of machine guns, explosions, and intense screams of students who ran from these merciless sounds. In the crowd of noise, I lost my classmate’s voice. She was lying near me. She was facing the grass on the little lawn in front of the structure, surrendered to death. To her right was a wooden bench which allowed for those seated thereupon to have a calm view of the rest of the campus.

Her name was Jamila, she had plans and hopes for graduation, a new job, and applying for her masters degree. If for one moment she knew any of these incidents would happen to her, she would not have left her residence for the University that day. Fate is cruel and hope can be dangerous. I had heard this many times before in the movies and in life, but it was never real to me; until now.

I was trapped inside the campus for four hours. Most of that time I could only crawl with my forearms, given my injuries. Even with this limitation, I spent the entire time looking for a haven. As I crawled closed to a faculty building, a friend of mine, who had a broken leg but still able to walk, yelled, “Naser, get up and let’s go!” I replied, “Where would you go!? Every place is more dangerous than previous.” He continued on his way. I ended up crawling about three hundred feet from where I had originally fallen, heading towards an emergency exit, but never made it. I fainted. I do not remember for how long I was lying there, but when I woke up, one of the insurgents crossed over my body while murmuring to someone. A short time later, I heard rifle sounds. I thought that the insurgents were coming towards me and that it did not matter whether I was dead or alive; they were going to shoot me either way to make sure I was dead. Regardless of one’s faith, all pray to God (or whatever religious equivalent) to save one’s life in these dire circumstances. I laid like a dead corpse. The sounds grew closer. I saw green lasers coming from behind the bushes and then, suddenly, an ease captured my whole body.

I heard a soldier’s voice whispering to another “go behind the faculty building wall and cover for me.” It was like a miracle; an angel arrived just in time to save my life. One of them approached and then two others. The first one took cover and the other two had their rifles pointed towards me. With a shivered voice I said, “I’m a student; my legs are broken please help me.” One approached me with a low voice, and said, “Has anyone placed any object under your body?” He was referring to explosive devices. I said “I don’t know.” The soldier directed me to move, and I moved as much as I could. The soldier then picked me up on his shoulders and carried me to the ambulance. It took me two months to recover from my injuries. Those who lost someone that day at the hands of the insurgents’ violence will never be the same; their hearts will never fully heal; and they can never fully recover from the eternal pain inflicted.

The difference is stark between viewing the above as a fictional movie and experiencing it, to say the least. It was an appalling, shocking and awful real-life situation; I would not wish it on my worst enemy, if I had one. The concept of fate that was always vague to me; all of a sudden seemed so definite and real. The persons who lived and died did not choose either; it was left completely out of their control.

The insurgents’ goal was clear: to disrupt and discourage higher education. It is a bigot who acts harsh and ruthless to the youths who have nothing but a strong desire for furthered education. These are young people who grow up facing countless challenges and risks, all pursuing and pushing for a better tomorrow. Unmindful that fate is waiting thirsty for their blood in the most barbaric way to take their lives in instant. One wonders what causes people to decline to this inferiority where they kill students just because they have a strong desire for knowledge!?

What some people tend to overlook when considering their own dreams are the dreams never fulfilled by others. In my part of the world, people are born in a war-zone. There are frequent sounds of bullets, and the color of blood is just like any other color from the countless list of colors. Some of us are lucky enough and make it through life. Others are ill-fated and lose their lives in the struggle for a change that has been fought for the last three generations. It is a constant struggle for change; maybe never-ending, but we have nothing more to lose, so we continue. As Garcia Marquez reads, “children inherit their parent’s madness.” It is ignorance that allows this abhorrent behavior to subsist. We must work to enlighten persons vulnerable to being manipulated into performing heinous acts. Education must prevail, and we must persevere until it does so.

*I was recently working on writing an essay about my experience from the terrorist attack on the American University of Afghanistan. I have tried to illustrate it from a student’s perspective, different from what you might hear from media. Ken Kast my mentor from New York helped me a lot in writing this, Andra Ionescu also helped me from Poland I want to say thank you to them.