Thoughts

A Trick That Will Make Your Next Apology Better

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It involves the 1990s Saturday Night Live character Stuart Smalley. Kind of.

“Research has shown that one way to keep that idealized self-image intact is through self-affirmation, a concept that actually isn’t too far off from Smalley’s “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and, doggone it, people like me!” mantra. A less ridiculous way to go about this is to think about your goals, your values, and the things and people most important to you, Schumann said. So she reasoned that before apologizing, taking a few minutes to indulge in a little self-affirmation could make the experience less painful, which would ultimately lead to a less defensive, more effective apology.

The basic idea is that we are highly motivated to maintain a positive image of ourselves — an image of self-integrity, morality, and adequacy,” Schumann said in an email. And this, she reasons, is why apologizing can suck so very much: Having to admit that our words or actions hurt someone else threatens our image of our ideal self. So it makes sense that so many apologies are so bad. We get defensive, so we justify our behavior, all to protect our egos.”

Read NYMag article by Melissa Dahl

Zen- story: “Non-judgment”

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                                           Non-judgment 

 

Once upon the time there was an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. “Such bad luck,” they said sympathetically.

“Maybe,” the farmer replied.

The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. “How wonderful,” the neighbors exclaimed.

“Maybe,” replied the old man.

The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune.

“Maybe,” answered the farmer.

The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son’s leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out.

“Maybe,” said the farmer.

Explanation: The farmer understands the true nature of life, that you can’t judge any event as an “end” in a way. There aren’t definite breaks that separate one moment versus another, and there isn’t a perfectly formulated end which everything builds to.

There’s always tomorrow. And whether the day was good or bad, there’s a million effects which can arise from one event. Good and bad are interconnected. They are, in fact, two sides of the same coin. If things seem perfect, they aren’t. Things can change in an instant, at all times. And they will at some point or another.

 

AlunaGeorge’s take on being a mediator

alunageorge-2016AlunaGeorge’s take on being a mediator:

[Verse 2]
“There are times you’re convincible
You look at me all crazy cool
And you know that I’ll stick up for you, you
But taking sides is a foolish game
Cause in the end they won’t remove the pain
And I’m trying to give you the truth, truth
[Pre-Chorus]
You come knocking at my door
And whose gonna pick you up the floor?
Yeah whose the one whose really torn, torn
[Chorus]
I will always be your mediator
I will always be your mediator
Let me talk to him
Let me be your friend
He’s no good for you
He don’t need your help
You can trust in me
And you can thank me later”

Click link to hear “Mediator”:  http://ow.ly/Zq66304zRhr